im a fading star....

i wonder... but i cant find..

sigh....

i cannot do this it is very hard.

i had work today and it sucked cause i cnt do anything

i cannot do this..

it is taking up too much energy that i just want to sleep 

forever.

i packed up my heart

Yesterday whilst i was driving to Harvey's house..

 i just felt so scared and nervous.

Every blue Yaris driving past me i'd stop and think that it might be him..

i really miss him so much day and day....

i wished we were together...

because he made me the happiest girl no matter what... 

i dont know why but he just made everything seem right..

it was the hardest week of my life to go through...

but i was scared to give him all the memories back to him..

because it was special.. and i didnt know whether i should let it go..

but when yesterday i gave him the box full of my memories..

i cried... and i was crying inside cause i cant let go... this is the hardest thing..

i felt like i was safe when i was with him but now i just feel weak...

which is the hardest thing i feel.

I love this song..

Broken Strings by James Morrison

Let me hold you

For the last time

It's the last chance to feel again

But you broke me

Now I can't feel anything

When I love you,

It's so untrue

I can't even convince myself

When I'm speaking,

It's the voice of someone else

Oh it tears me up

I try to hold on, but it hurts too much

I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings

You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell you something that ain't real

Oh the truth hurts

And lies worse

How can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before

Oh what are we doing

We are turning into dust

Playing house in the ruins of us

Running back through the fire

When there's nothing left to save

It's like chasing the very last train when it's too late

Oh it tears me up

I try to hold on, but it hurts too much

I try to forgive, but it's not enough to make it all okay

You can't play on broken strings

You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel

I can't tell something that ain't real

Well the truth hurts,

And lies worse

How can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before

But we're running through the fire

When there's nothing left to save

It's like chasing the very last train

When we both know it's too late (too late)

You can't play on broken strings

You can't feel anything that your heart don't want to feel

I cant tell you something that ain't real

Well truth hurts,

And lies worse

How can I give anymore

When I love you a little less than before

Let me hold you for the last time

It's the last chance to feel again 

why i wanted to start a blog?

Basically...

the reason why i need to start this blog is to make me realise about things in life..

to find myself.

i really want to express my emotions through text rather then feelings because i cannot see

what i am feeling visually.. which is hard..

everyday i wake up feeling so lonely.. why?

because my boyfriend had dumped me. why?

now that i dont really know.. 

what guy is he?

well his been with me for three yrs and i have grown to love him. love him for who he is..

his not tall

his not hot at all

his not rich

his not that smart.

but there was something that sparked my love for him and that i dont know..

was it because i was young and ruthless.. or was it because we were just bored. haha

but everything about him when i saw him was just so good.. but can there be better?

better than him? 

now that i dont cause honestly. h

is my first true love..

someone that i have dealt with nearly everyday.. 

i can say i wasnt perfect too but hey.. who is?

but i loved him... and thats all i can say...

i miss him everyday.. just every single day when the new day hits in.. 

im like.. what if? how? why? 

to be honest. the morning is the hardest for me cause i know this day will be lonely without him.